{"id":12866,"date":"2021-07-31T19:35:55","date_gmt":"2021-07-31T12:35:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/illume-emag.com\/?p=12866"},"modified":"2021-08-04T22:06:37","modified_gmt":"2021-08-04T15:06:37","slug":"12-therapist-approved-suggestions-to-fighting-fairly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/12-therapist-approved-suggestions-to-fighting-fairly\/","title":{"rendered":"12 Therapist-Approved Suggestions To Fighting Fairly"},"content":{"rendered":"

12 Therapist-Approved Suggestions To Fighting Fairly<\/a><\/strong><\/h1>\n

If you clicked on this article about fighting fair, it’s likely a skill you want to improve. Maybe you never argue because you believe that keeping the peace is easier than voicing concerns. Maybe you’re a hothead who turns minor disagreements into a full-blown war. Regardless of your fighting style, there is likely some useful advice here.<\/span><\/p>\n

Whether you fight frequently or not, keep in mind the following: Disagreements are a part of human interaction. Conflicts can deepen relationships if handled with empathy, says Marisa G. Franco, Ph.D., a counseling psychologist and friendship expert. “Our relationships deepen when we realize we can be honest and upfront about [issues], even when they are difficult.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Tactile expressions of love are essential in combat. Relationship therapists offer 12 suggestions for\u00a0<\/span>Fighting Fairly<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

\"photo:
photo: Irina Kruglova \/ Adobe Stock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

1. Inhale.<\/h2>\n

If you’re enraged (and not taking it anymore), try to take a deep breath and remember your ultimate goal. You could do diaphragmatic breathing to trigger your rest-and-digest response (the opposite of a stress response). For example, one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach. Then slowly inhale and exhale. This allows you to relax and see the situation more clearly. “Zoom out and consider the other person’s needs,” Dr. Franco advises. “If I can zoom out and say, ‘This is what my partner needs, this is what I need, and this is what makes sense for both of us right now,'” Dr. Franco says.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Plan your conflict conversation.<\/h2>\n

To avoid an unfair fight, inform your partner of your desire to discuss a specific issue in advance. According to Emily Jamea, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., casually discussing issues allows your partner to think about them as well. So they can (hopefully) approach the conversation with vulnerability rather than fear. Another? Email can help partners organize their thoughts and express them with compassion.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Stay focused.<\/h2>\n

In the heat of the moment, it’s tempting to lump all your problems together. This is overwhelming for the other person and is not a productive way to express your anger. Dr. Jamea advises against “kitchen-sinking” when trying to find a solution.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Never fight to win.<\/span><\/h2>\n

After reminding yourself that you and your partner are on the same team, try to resist the urge to battle your partner. Your relationship isn’t “a dictatorship or a democracy because there are two of you,” Dr. Jamea explains. (Compromise is the best way to ensure all parties feel heard, even if there are more than two of you.) You should consider how a balanced compromise feels in the context of your relationship. Working together is probably the way to win.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Be open to each other’s concerns.<\/h2>\n

Maybe your partner wants to talk to you about a problem they’re having. Maybe you’re agitated, but your partner has a valid point. When you’re upset, it’s difficult to remain open and receptive to anyone.<\/span><\/p>\n

“When we dismiss our partner’s concerns or dismiss their concerns, they have to bring them up again,” Dr. Jamea says. It can escalate from a minor issue to a major relationship issue if they bring it up repeatedly. Instead of dismissing or ignoring concerns, try to take a deep breath and listen to your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Recite what you hear.<\/h2>\n

Dr. Franco recommends repeating your partner’s statements so they feel heard, understood, and can clarify if needed. So you might say, “I get upset when you ask me to do something around the house and I never do it.” You can use this small tip to work towards mutual understanding. Dr. Franco says it helps when things get tense. Hearing something back can sometimes stop someone from saying something hurtful.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Use “I”-phrases.<\/h2>\n

It’s perfect for difficult conversations. Unfavorable feedback can come across as critical instead of constructive. Using statements that focus on you can help soften the blow. Note that “I” statements should not include “I despise when…” Instead, use “When X occurs, I feel Y.” This doesn’t eliminate all tension, but it can help your partner understand your feelings without being overly judgmental or critical.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. Find a common ground.<\/span><\/h2>\n

Contradictions can be kept constructive by paying close attention and asking if you’re hearing your partner correctly. One more? Recognize when you agree (or at least understand) the other person’s point of view. “When we unpack our feelings and thoughts about a topic, we usually find areas of overlap,” Dr. Jamea says. “And that makes it easier to compromise and find a solution.”<\/span><\/p>\n

9. Keep snark and name-calling outside.<\/span><\/h2>\n

This may seem obvious, but common sense can be lost in heated debate. To that end, avoid hitting below the belt or speaking in a dismissive, disrespectful, or abusive manner. Being a jerk may feel good in the moment, but it can cause long-term relationship damage. If a fight gets nasty, try the next tip…<\/span><\/p>\n

10. Tend not to leave.<\/span><\/h2>\n

This is especially true if you have a history of losing your temper. If things get out of hand, a loving, caring, and intentional break might help. To be clear, taking a break does not mean storming out in mid-sentence and slamming the door while your partner begs you to stay.<\/span><\/p>\n

What is a break? “If we’re stressed and the conflict has escalated, being able to say, \u2018Hey, it seems like we’re getting really stressed.’ \u2018Let us revisit this in X time,’ says Dr. Franco. Taking a break may seem simple, but it requires maturity. It’s important to identify your feelings, ask for a break, and give a timeframe for returning, says Dr. Franco. This is how you take a break and show you care about the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

11. Defining a “fair fight”<\/span><\/h2>\n

Setting some non-negotiable “fair fight boundaries” before your next fight can help. Name-calling, aggression, and other behaviors that make both parties uncomfortable are examples. It’s important to remember that boundaries help you both maintain the respect required for a genuine, constructive discussion. Dr. Jamea says boundaries are not punitive. “We set them up to protect ourselves emotionally.”<\/span><\/p>\n

12. Create a post-game ritual to\u00a0Fighting Fairly<\/strong><\/a><\/h2>\n

Aftercare is a BDSM practice that helps people leave a kink scene. It’s not just for sex, says Liz Powell, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Building Open Relationships. Aftercare may include make-up sex, handholding, silent hugging, or simply asking questions to restore intimacy and connection (without rehashing the argument). “Anytime you have a strong emotional reaction, something like aftercare could be helpful,” Dr. Powell said.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

12 Therapist-Approved Suggestions To Fighting Fairly If you clicked on this article about fighting fair, it’s likely a skill you want to improve. Maybe you never argue because you believe that keeping the peace is easier than voicing concerns. Maybe you’re a hothead who turns minor disagreements into a full-blown war. Regardless of your fighting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12867,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[8578,2490,8576,7706,8574],"class_list":{"0":"post-12866","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-uncategorized","8":"tag-dating","9":"tag-illume-en","10":"tag-marriage","11":"tag-relationships","12":"tag-sex"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12866","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12866"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12866\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12867"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lavyon.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}