How Can I Overcome The Fear of Checking The Bank?

I set out to buy a new winter wardrobe on Black Friday. I looked for deals, saved money with my Digit app, made a Google sheet with a strategy, and prepared to spend more money than I usually do in one go. Despite my best efforts, I cringed every time I clicked “confirm purchase.” But I survived, the harm was done, and all is well.

That is, until now. Weeks passed.

I wish I could say this was a Black Friday problem. Having a history of financial instability and an anxiety disorder that loves to tap dance over my life has always been a source of anxiety for me. And one of my go-to coping mechanisms for money anxiety has been… well… avoidance. Then I just do what I call “intuitive spending” and hope for the best.

Various memes and tweets have taught me that I’m not the only one who avoids checking my bank account due to anxiety. A non-scientific poll of my friends confirmed my suspicion that this is a common occurrence. But why do we keep doing it, especially when we don’t know what’s going on with our finances? Why do we do this to ourselves?

I set out to find answers to these questions, and I came away with some helpful advice. Here’s what I learned from the pros how to Overcome The Fear of Checking The Bank

First, avoiding your bank account is perfectly normal.

Financial Gym CEO Shannon McLay tells SELF that anyone can practice financial avoidance. People who live paycheck to paycheck don’t want to see their accounts empty at the end of the month. People with multiple credit cards don’t always want the damage totaled. It’s not always the self-employed or freelancers whose bank accounts are constantly fluctuating. And sometimes it’s just people like me who are anxious and occasionally overspend on Seamless.

Distracting and potentially destabilizing information is a very human defense mechanism. “People have been avoiding unpleasant information in various forms since the dawn of time,” says financial therapist Amanda Clayman, L.C.S.W. “We couldn’t function or show up in our lives if we were constantly bombarded with emotionally draining information.”

Thus, avoidance can be a healthy adaptive response in moderation. But for many of us, avoiding it is part of a cycle. “When people avoid money, the anxiety they feel becomes bigger than the original avoidance,” says Clayman. That does sound familiar. Who else gets anxious the longer it goes without checking those numbers, making it difficult to open their banking app? But that only reinforces our fear of money and our decision to avoid it.

Clayman says the goal is to remove anxiety from our financial awareness. In other words, we don’t want anxiety to drive our financial decisions. That’s easier said than done, but Clayman and McLay have some suggestions.

Observe your spending habits without changing them.

When I’m worried about money, I overcompensate by setting a bunch of lofty financial goals. I’ve been bad with money lately. I’m going to make a budget and be so good with money that I’ll never worry about my account balance again. Apart from the obvious failure, this is also the wrong place to start addressing my avoidance issue.

Clayman advises keeping track of your finances for a month (ideally two or three). “Just become aware of how you spend and earn money,” she advises.

Let’s address the elephant in the room first: “If you’re anxious about checking your bank account, just check it!” doesn’t help. While it may be uncomfortable and possibly anxiety-inducing, consider it as exposure therapy. You’re not only breaking the habit of only checking your account when your anxiety gets the best of you, but you’re also practicing approaching it without judgment or pressure to fix things. It’s the first step to breaking the cycle, says Clayman.

Plus, you’ll have a lot of useful information if you decide to make changes later. “We do this to measure our financial life when we aren’t actively managing it,” says Clayman. “What does being on autopilot mean in terms of money?”

Deep-diving into your accounts for the first time can be nerve-wracking and unpleasant, but it is an important first step. “Get a glass of wine and a box of tissues,” says McLay.

Track your finances in various ways.

So, how do you maintain your financial awareness? First, it doesn’t have to be fancy; it can be as simple as regularly checking your banking app. However, everyone is unique, and it is critical to experiment. “We try to emulate other people’s success and hope that it will work for us,” says Clayman. So have fun.

Here are some suggestions:

Begin modestly. If you’re a financial avoidant (like me!), don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Clayman suggests setting up a weekly 20-minute check-in with your bank account to see what’s come in and gone out. So be it if you can only do it monthly at first. “Make it as small as you can,” Clayman advises.

Schedule your check-in. Some people benefit from setting a firm, non-negotiable date to check their accounts. “Don’t wait for the perfect storm of time and motivation,” Clayman advises.

Or to your mood. Since everyone is different, some experimenting may be required. For some, the calendar method is too rigid to account for a complex financial relationship. “Diving in when you’re depressed and worried about money might not be good for you,” says McLay.

Keep track with spreadsheets and apps. Sarah Jacoby, SELF Senior Health & Beauty Editor, has a spreadsheet that is a work of art. Every purchase she makes goes into the spreadsheet. And many people benefit from it. “Writing down every expense makes you more aware of your spending,” says McLay. Aside from spreadsheets, there are numerous expense-tracking apps available.

Or a GPS tracker. Apps like Digit and Mint automatically connect to your accounts and track your expenses if manually entering every purchase into an app or spreadsheet sounds too time-consuming.

Stick to what works for you. The key, says Clayman, is consistency.

Before creating a budget, try a few “financial exercises”.

You can start doing some “financial exercises” whenever you’re ready, according to McLay. “It’s about finding healthy ways to be more mindful of your money,” she says. Changing small habits can help reduce anxiety without affecting your budget.

McLay suggests two financial exercises:

Pay-days. You probably already know that small things add up, especially when we spend money mindlessly. McLay suggests scheduling one or two no-spend days per week.

Weeks of cash only Decide how much money you want to spend each week and withdraw it. “If you run out of money by Wednesday, it’s Netflix and Chill,” McLay advises. An added benefit: it eliminates the need to check or avoid your account because no transactions will occur.

To Overcome The Fear of Checking The Bank, Examine your overall financial health.

Focusing on financial wellness isn’t always easy, depending on your lifestyle, needs, and personal privilege. Financial wellness can be difficult for many people who don’t have the freedom to choose how they spend and save.

If you do have that freedom, it’s worth looking into ways to reduce financial stress. Changing your lifestyle, creating and maintaining a budget, or consulting a professional may be necessary.

Whether or not you can take those steps, remember that financial awareness is a great place to start. “Financial wellness isn’t just numbered on a page,” says Clayman. “It’s about letting go of judgment and embracing awareness and conscious decision-making.”