What Acne Has Done to My Mental Health

Ishita Chatterjee, 30, developed acne on her cheeks and then her forehead when she was 25. She had frequent breakouts, always having at least one pimple. Her acne and mental health issues became intertwined. Despite not picking her spots, Chatterjee left scars. Affected skin becomes darker than the surrounding skin, a condition known as post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation.

What Acne Has Done to My Mental Health - Photo by Besknt
What Acne Has Done to My Mental Health – Photo by Besknt

Chatterjee began experimenting with various acne, scar, and hyperpigmentation treatments. So far, she has tried various skin care products and medications, but nothing has completely cleared her acne.

Now Chatterjee is working on regaining her confidence in herself, not her acne. This is her acne and mental health story.

I had clear skin as a teen, when many people get acne. But when I turned 25, I broke out constantly. My cheeks, and finally my brow, were red.

Initially, I thought the acne was hormonal and would go away. But I still had acne a few years later. In addition to scarring, I had post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, which is more common in people with brown skin like mine.

I made the decision to treat my acne. This started a long journey of lifestyle changes and treatments. I tried cutting out every food type you can think of in case I was allergic. I tried every skin care product and acne medication I could find. Some things helped more than others, but nothing cured me.

Other people’s assumptions add to the frustration of working through what felt like an entire pharmacy of treatments. Many people still believe that acne is caused by greasy foods, sugar1, alcohol, or some other external cause that I should avoid. They tell me so.

People usually comment on my acne in two ways. The first is people giving what they think is helpful advice but is actually hurtful. For example, as a first-generation Indian immigrant, I have found Indians to be more direct than Americans. Sometimes Indians tell me I have a bad face and should use a certain face cream or stop drinking.

In Ayurvedic medicine, foods are eaten according to one of three body types. People who read this say my acne is from my American diet when I know it isn’t. This is how my skin is.

Well-meaning friends say, “Your skin looks so clear today!” and other well-meaning remarks. I know they mean well, but it reminds me of my foggy days.

I don’t fit in with American skin care and acne ideas either. Everyone in acne commercials was young and white, whereas I am an adult and brown. Finding makeup that covers my spots and scars has been difficult. Asian Americans with dark skin have few options. I can’t find a foundation that matches my olive undertones, which is important when covering acne.

Scars on the face can’t be hidden because they’re the first thing people notice. I have a scarlet letter. Even when people don’t say anything or even look at my spots, I feel watched. It makes me not want to go out and take pictures. I always edit photos I post online.

My acne and mental health have been a struggle. I’m gradually accepting that I need to improve my self-esteem. Acne, scarring, and hyperpigmentation are incurable. But I have control over my skin and my self-esteem. Everything I’ve tried has taught me that my acne isn’t my fault. Scarring and hyperpigmentation aren’t my fault. Accepting that has allowed me to stop berating myself and focus on what I can change.

I’ve developed a routine using two products that consistently work better for me. I use a vitamin C serum during the day and a retinol cream at night to help with breakouts and hyperpigmentation. I also try to stay hydrated.

Knowing I’m doing what works for me allows me to move on. I have days with many spots and days with few. Whatever happens to my skin, I know I did my part.

I’m also learning to accept my scars. It was a big deal for me when I stopped using a dermatologist-prescribed cream that treated my hyperpigmentation but also bleached my skin. After a few months, I wondered why I was doing it. I chose not to deal with this side effect in order to treat my scars. That made me realize I’m accepting my skin as is.

I can’t live a life of shame. I want to live! I’m taking my time putting myself out there. It gets easier. But it’s a work in progress.

Beauty is so much more than how your skin looks or what the culture says is beautiful. I want to take care of my skin and move on with my life.

Sourceself

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