Self-Talk Can Be a Very Effective Way to Cope
Doubts about self-talk are common. Let me be the first to say it helped me survive the pandemic.
The day after routine sinus surgery, I awoke with a blinding headache. My surgeon assured me it would be temporary, but it lingered. We moved in with my parents, who took me to numerous specialists. According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic daily headache is defined as 15 or more headache days per month.
Doubts about self-talk are common. Let me be the first to say it helped me survive the pandemic.
The day after routine sinus surgery, I awoke with a blinding headache. My surgeon assured me it would be temporary, but it lingered. We moved in with my parents, who took me to numerous specialists. According to the Mayo Clinic, chronic daily headache is defined as 15 or more headache days per month.
I tried Botox, nerve blocks, and even experimental medication over the next year. Nothing worked until my long-time psychiatrist suggested somatic therapy.
Somatic therapy differs from other forms of therapy like cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy in that it focuses on internal sensations like tension, pain, and tightness. Somatic therapy thus explores and bridges the body-mind connection.
Until I started therapy, I had no such connection. Whether it was overscheduling or ignoring a cold, I always ignored my body. Many somatic therapy patients begin by doing mindfulness exercises to become more aware of their bodies. My therapist taught me to pendulate by focusing on a different part of my body. I also visualized my pain as a wall being broken down brick by brick.
Initially, none of these coping mechanisms worked. I was frustrated for six months with them. That’s not going to happen in a few months, my therapist reminded me. “How can you expect your body to be your friend if you treat it like a task?”
Then she added a new idea: I needed to treat my body like a friend. And that meant talking to it—talking to my body. “Treat it like any new relationship,” my therapist advised. “Ask questions to learn more.”
So I began speaking to myself. loudly.
Questioning oneself is a common practice in somatic therapy, used to clarify awareness of what is happening in the body. My therapist says not everyone is told to just talk to themselves. My therapist suggested this as part of our somatic therapy to help me develop my mind-body awareness.
Initially, I resisted. When my migraines got worse, I asked my body, “How are you?” My body would often swell with anxiety or stress. “What do you need to feel more relaxed?” I’d ask. I would wait, listen, and then act on what my body “said.”I would nap if I was tired. Worried, I would meditate. I asked questions if I needed more information about my body’s needs.
It was a tool I used sparingly before the pandemic, but it became invaluable when the lockdown began in March 2020. Anxiety and migraines made me unable to work for the first week. Dealing with it took 30 minutes six times a day of body talk. Even somatic therapy patients may find this a lot. When I expressed this concern to my therapist, she advised me to talk to myself as much as I needed to feel less anxious. For people with chronic conditions like anxiety or depression, it is best to practice therapeutic techniques with the guidance of a mental health professional.
My “conversations” revealed that my body was stressed and anxious about my new situation, and that I needed more time each day to ground myself. So I started meditating twice a day for 30-60 minutes and walking daily. Within two weeks, I could “talk” less to my body and live more uninterruptedly.
Yes, this all sounds very simple, and almost anyone can try it. Before you start this conversation, keep in mind that mental health professionals still advise practicing somatic therapy techniques with a therapist whenever possible.
“People appear to be following the suggested techniques, but there’s a high chance they’re doing it wrong,” says Sharlene Bird, Psy.D., a psychologist and somatic experienced practitioner at NYU Grossman School of Medicine. “Without proper language or professional guidance,” Dr. Bird warns, “the process can become confusing, or even trigger.”
That doesn’t mean you can’t use somatic therapy techniques on your own, like basic mindfulness. Somatic therapy focuses on body awareness, particularly the nervous system. “Tracking what is happening in your body gives you a wealth of information,” says Mindfulness in Somatic Therapy. It allows you to be fully present and notice how your body responds. “
Dr. Bird suggests a simplified version of the conversation technique to try talking to yourself. Every day at the same time, check in with your body. Is it energized, tired, or relaxed? Note your response. Dr. Bird says that simply noting allows your body to recognize rather than repress your feelings. Giving that feeling space in your body allows you to let it go and move on.
Dr. Bird also stresses the importance of self-compassion. “”We aren’t taught to feel with our bodies.” “At first, this exercise may seem strange because it is difficult to explain the connection between your body and words. You must try it. “
My body-mind connection took months to develop, even with professional help, and even longer to feel natural. Another somatic therapist may have a different timeline. “For my patients, it can take anywhere from one session to several years for therapy to ‘click.'”It all depends on the person and their issues.”
For the sake of this exercise, be kind to yourself when developing your mind-body connection. It’s difficult to connect when we’re (still!) living in such strange times. It’s perfectly fine if this seems strange at first, or if it doesn’t work. Mindfulness or meditation are other ways to connect with your body. If you can afford it, therapy is a great place to start. It’s eye-opening to realize how much our bodies know about us—and how much they can help us if we listen (Self-talk)